This is going to be a long one friends…but I’ve answered your Instastory questions below, so if you’re not a reader..scroll down and check out the Q&A!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

So let’s talk mental health.

Why am I passionate about it?

Well it’s a huge part of my story to a life of love.

My dad is bipolar, so mental health has been staring me in the face for my entire life.

My dad and his mental health is a whole other story for another day.

Let’s talk my mental health.

Because of the trauma of having a father with serious mental health issues, I’ve been super aware of the benefits of proper mental health care…and the ramifications of ignoring your mental health.

But I didn’t start seeking counseling until after Alex and I got married.

And to be honest…it was primarily for the respect and honor of my husband.

It was HARD for him to hear me discuss my past.

It was HARD for him to hear me discuss the pain.

He listened and respected me for so long…but finally..my sweet quiet husband said…

I think this needs to be heard by a professional…because I don’t know how to help you process all of this.

It was a wake up call…there are professionals out there who have studied and paid a lot of money to learn how to help people process their feelings.

My husband is an IT Admin…not a professional therapist.

So I went to a therapist recommended to me, and it was cathartic.

Having someone to stop me and say…”wait…process that more.”

Having a professional validate me and my feelings.

Having someone stop me and say…”that was not okay”

Having someone be honest…and call me out if my feelings were inappropriate.  

But honestly…as amazing as that therapist was…she wasn’t the right fit.

So I stopped going for a while.

Because here’s the honest truth…finding a therapist might take some time.

It might take a few tries to find a good fit for you!

And then I had Austen

And I quickly realize that I had unpacked my FEELINGS…but not the RESULTS of those feelings.

I had anger and frustration and my actions were not ones that I wanted Austen to learn.

I didn’t truly figure out how to handle and deal with the ramifications of my childhood.

I will never forget one specific day when I was trying to get my workout in and Austen was FUSSY! So fussy!

I got him out of his crib and got him some toys to play with on the floor so I could get my last 10 minutes in.

And he cried…SUPER mad I had put him down.

And I kid you not guys…I screamed as loud as I could, threw my weights down AND STOMPED MY FEET.

Like a toddler.

So I called Alex and told him “when Austen throws his first tantrum and he throws his toy and screams and stops his feet…you’ll know he learned that from HIS MOTHER.”

Right then I knew that had to change.

So guess who found Lelia a therpist.

MY HUSBAND.

I’m so thankful he did…and I want to tell you I scoured the internet for days and found the perfect one.

Nope…Alex found my therapist…in our network…and she just happened to be a behavioral therapist.

I made the appointment..went…and in that first appointment she gave me a HUGE light bulb moment.

She said…in those moments of anger, could you stop what you’re doing, get Austen in a safe space and then continue with what you’re doing?

Freaking simple. Are you kidding me?

Stop…nurse my child to make him settled and happy and THEN do my workout?

You guys…it changed it all.

She has helped me to have dozens of light bulb moments that have changed my life.

Then in December, our insurance changed and she wasn’t in our network.

So here we go again…I have to start all over finding another therapist and unload all of my baggage again and start from ground zero.

I tried to find a new therapist and nothing felt right.

So I texted her and asked if she would be willing to just accept $100 out of pocket once a month.

And she said absolutely!

Would she have done that for anyone? I don’t know…but we had built a relationship. She saw the fruit of her hard work…so maybe she’s making a little less than she would through insurance. But I think she saw the benefit in accepting a little less to continue on a journey with someone.

I’m so so thankful for that!

{Also…right this very second I’m stopping writing this blog post to text her and thank her for doing just that…I’m trying to be more intentional in following those little nudges that tell me to call or text someone…do the same friends! }

Text sent…okay…let’s continue!

Here’s what I want you to hear!

  1. Your spouse is not and should not be your therapist. Even if they are a trained professional.

Seek counsel from someone other than friends and family.

2. IT IS NOT WEAK TO SEE A THERAPIST.

3. Do not wait until “the shit hits the fan” to see a counselor.

DO NOT DO IT.

Alex and I have done therapy in our happiest of times…because sometimes it’s helpful to have someone else help us process our feelings.

Especially for men who have a hard time verbalizing emotions.

4. Do not force your husband to do therapy.

You go first. Model that behavior and show them the positive fruits of your investment.

5. Don’t stop because your therapist isn’t the right fit for you…keep on keeping on until you find someone you’re comfortable with!

Okay…let’s answer those questions!

These are questions that were asked on Instastories…if you have more…DM me on Instagram or comment below and I will answer any and all questions!

How did you find your therapist?

Alex actually found my current therapist on Physcology Today. He sent me a few profiles that looked interesting and I just called one. And she was THE one. Follow your gut friends!

Why do you do behavioral therapy and what’s the difference between than and typical therapy?

So it was 100% by accident that I found a behavioral therapist, but I’m so thankful I did! If I get to the point where I need medication, I will seek counsel, but for now, having my therapist help me to recognize a behavior I don’t like and working with me to figure out a new behavior is exactly what I need.

How much does it cost?

A lot of insurance companies will cover four or five sessions. Our old insurance has an HSA so some was covered by the insurance and the other came out of our HSA. This new insurance didn’t cover her, and I wanted to stick with her so I just asked if she would accept $100 a session once a month and she agreed. It’s just a part of our monthly budget and it’s investment I feel like I’m making in my future AND my children’s future because I’m teaching and modeling what I’m learning.

Where do I start?

First step is find out if and what your insurance covers! Most insurance companies have a website where you find a doctor in your network. So that’s the first step. Search the website and then call a few and ask some questions. Then make an appointment and be open and listen.

What happens during a therapy session?

I think your first session is really just a get to know you and what’s on your heart. Let your therapist lead! Take a deep breath and let the conversation happen. If you’re nervous…let them know! If you’re feeling anxious…let them know. Talk to them and be open for what they have to say!

What type of marriage counseling have you done?

Just to protect my sweet quiet husband…I don’t think we’re quite ready to share that yet. But If you’re seeking marriage counseling…do the exact same thing as I said for what to start!

Let me know if you have any other questions! I’d love to answer them!

Picture by the talented Tasha Pinelo

Not Today Satan Mug

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