I’d like to introduce you to my mom tribe. The ladies who keep me going. The ladies who remind me that I will, in fact, sleep again. The ladies who encourage me to be myself. The ladies who will step in at a moments notice. The ladies who love my children like their own. The ladies who have supported each other in some of the hardest and scariest of moments.

Here’s the deal though…we fought for this tribe of ours. It was not instant. We have invested a lot of time and energy into the bond we have. We’ve cried. We’ve prayed. We’ve encouraged. We’ve spoken hard truths.

We need community. We need encouragement.

I think one of the biggest struggles we have in our society is the amount of people who isolate themselves from the world around them.

A lot of times, out of fear.

If that’s a truth that you face…smash those fears to pieces.

Embrace that on the other side of awkward can be lasting, lifelong relationships.

Finding encouragement in the season you are currently in is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your mental health.

Let me take you back a few years to when Alex and I first were married. We had ZERO newlywed friends in the area. And it was tough. Finding people who were excited about marriage was hard. So we sought it out. We actually created a group called M2 with a group of friends we met at premarital counseling. We surrounded ourselves with people who were in a similar stage of life. So we could encourage and do life with them. And it was incredible. We learned so much!

Then we started trying for a baby, and that journey of infertility was SO incredibly isolating. At that time, people weren’t talking openly about their infertility, and we felt very alone. That’s when I started blogging openly about our infertility journey. And the community I found in that season was what got us through! Honestly.

Then we got pregnant, had Austen, and I was yet again in an isolating stage. The mamas I did know weren’t close. But I knew there were moms in our city who were in a similar stage!

When I share anything about my “mom tribe” I get DMs like crazy of people wanting to know how I found that. So I chatted with my mamas and here’s what we came up with. These are my tips for finding YOUR tribe.

Find A Group

Whether it’s a moms group, or a singles group, or a group of working moms…find a group. Do a google search. Do the research. These people probably aren’t just going to land in your lap. 3/4 of these ladies I met through our local MOMS Club and at our local library time. One of them is married to Alex’s cousin…so I knew her and drug her along whether she wanted to or not. All of this to say, you’re probably going to have to put yourself out there. But even if you’re an introvert…you probably desire friendship. So you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone. Do it friends!

Get Involved

Do NOT just sit on the sidelines and wait for the people you will click with to land in your lap. You’re going to have to get involved and meet people. The first FIVE moms meetups I went to, I was the only one there! No joke! But I kept going. I offered to host a play date. I went to the meetings. I went to the moms night outs…even if I didn’t know anyone going. And slowly, but surely, I met these mamas. And I’m SO thankful I did.

Be a Positive Light

I guess it depends on the type of people you want to surround yourself with, but I know I personally want to be around uplifting and positive people. To draw those people in…you in fact need to be a positive light. We all know the phrase “misery loves company” and DANG IT ya’ll…it’s the truest statement ever. Have standards. Like high standards. On one of the very first wine nights I had with these mamas, I told them I wanted nothing to do with husband bashing. That was something Alex and I were really passionate about, and I wanted to be upfront about that. I wanted their husbands to know that when they were with Lelia, we wouldn’t have been bashing them behind their backs. Be encouraging of one another. Support each other’s passions.

Meet Regularly

You cannot build strong relationships if you don’t see each other often. So get into monthly, if not weekly, rhythms. We have two main rhythms as a group. The majority of us meet weekly, on Thursdays, for lunch once we pick up the kids from schools. We meet at my house and put in frozen pizzas {no joke…every week someone brings a frozen pizza} and cut up fruit and the kids play or watch a show. This gives us the opportunity to sit and chat while trying to keep all of the children alive. We also meet once a month while the kids are in school for brunch. There are three new babies now, but the big kids are in school and we can talk without the distraction of kids. We can get dressed up, have a warm cup of coffee, sip mimosas, and TALK. Without the distraction of tattling, and breaking up fights, and opening juice boxes. This is where the strong community is built. We’ve already chatted about getting a babysitter for all of the big kids this summer so we can still make this rhythm happen. Then we usually get together in the evenings once a month for wine. Sometimes at someone’s house, sometimes at a restaurant. Put it on the calendar…and do it friends!

Support and Encourage

This sweet group of mine has been through some TOUGH stuff together the past few years. And y’all…we didn’t awkwardly ignore the tough stuff. We fought it head on. We made meals, picked up kids, literally laid hands on bellies to get babies to flip, we’ve brought wine during HARD beyond measure times, Ubered meals to mamas in the hospital with sick babies, we’ve cried, we’ve laughed and we’ve supported the crap out of each other. Even during times when we didn’t know what to do…we’ve sent wine and ice cream to let each other know we have your back! We follow through on loving each other during amazing times {hello SO many babies} and during hard times {adoption loss, deaths, infertility, family trauma} and we freaking celebrate and drink lots of wine and champagne! These mamas know that in any instant they could drop their kids off. They could get a ride when their tire pops. They could borrow money when we forget our wallets. They can hand a baby over when another child needs attention. Without hesitation…they know we are here to pick up the pieces. ALL of this to say. Follow through on the things you want to do for your friends. Without thinking about how much money it would cost…go pick up the pint of ice cream. Go do a load of laundry. Do the hard things because they mean a LOT.

I really hope this sparks something for you. Gives you ideas on how to love the tribe you may already have. Excite you about the possibility of finding a group to get involved in.

If you already have an amazing group of mamas, tell me what you think is the most important thing about cultivating a group of encouraging and empowering ladies?

I asked on Instastories what YOU wanted to read on this sweet little blog of ours, and quite a few of you asked for a day in the life. So thankful I asked because for some reason this one never popped into my head!

I think I’ll do these seasonally, because our schedule looks so different when the weather is warmer/when Austen is out of school. 

So here are are…the winter edition! 

6:00am Wake Up Call        

Hudson wakes up between 6:00 and 6:30. When he wakes up, Alex brings him into bed and I nurse him before heading downstairs for coffee. We got a new coffee pot for Christmas and it’s on a schedule. Waking up at 6:00 to a pot of coffee already made is like living in a dream. For a month or so I was getting up around 5:30 to do quiet time. I miss that. Then Hudson started teething and was waking up two-three times a night and I was exhausted. So I picked rest over quiet time. But now that Hudson’s sleeping until 6:00 most mornings, maybe I’ll try the 5:30 thing again. I’m a morning person, so I’m at my happiest early in the morning!

7:00am Austen Comes Down

Austen’s clock turns green {here’s the link to the clock we use} at 7:00. He usually wakes up earlier, but sits in his bed and reads books. When his clock turns green, without a doubt he comes to the top of the stairs and says SO excitedly “mom…my clock turned green…I slept for 10 minutes!” Every morning.

7:00-7:30 Chill Time

Austen will eat his “mins” {he gets one multivitamin, one elderberry vitamin, and two each of the Juice Plus green and fruit vitamins} while I drink coffee and relax. I’m not super strict about TV or playing or anything. Sometimes we watch a show, sometimes we listen to music and play, sometimes we read books. It just depends on how much sleep I got the night before. I’ve learned to give myself grace in this season.

7:30 Breakfast

Around this time we’ll do breakfast. Austen and Hudson usually have yogurt and fruit, a waffle, oatmeal or a granola bar. I’ll make a shake or make some eggs and then we eat and I’ll clean up and do dishes if I need to. On this particular day I actually made eggs for myself and Hudson. And because I know you’ll ask…yes…we put tiny pepperoni in our eggs sometimes…and it’s crazy delicious so try it! 

8:00 Get Ready For The Day

Austen will usually be playing at this point, so I take Hudson upstairs so I can get ready. Hudson plays in his room while I get ready, but when he was little, I would put him in his crib. And for 30 minutes he would on and off fuss and play. But I needed that time to myself. I love the routine of putting on makeup and getting ready. It makes me more awake, and a better mom to be honest. I usually take around 30 minutes {between makeup, hair, clothes} and he plays the entire time.

I get Austen and Hudson ready for the day after I get ready. Austen goes to school at 9:00 on Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday, so on those days we’re getting clothes on and brushing teeth to leave by 8:45.

Sweater / Jeans / Necklace / Glasses / Mirror 

9:00 Austen Drop Off

After we drop off Austen, Hudson and I have 2.5 hours to do whatever we need. My mom is retired, so on Tuesday and Thursday my mom will usually come and hang with Hudson so I can work or run errands.

 When summer hits, I’ll probably do some school/learning time for an hour or so in the mornings. Nothing too intense, but I want him to stay in the routine of learning and not lose what he’s gained in school. We’re really hoping to master all upper case letters this summer.

11:30 Pick Up Austen and Lunch

We pick up Austen from school and he is starving. This is what will change come spring time because in the spring we usually take our lunch to a park or we’ll walk home from school and stop at the sandwich shop! 

12:00 Hudson Nap

Hudson does down for a nap around this time and Austen will finish lunch and play while I get Hudson to sleep. We’re in the struggle bus time or moving from two-one naps a day. It’s just hit or miss honestly. He’s cutting his molars right now, so recently he’s been doing a nap while Austen’s in school and then taking a second nap around 2:00. But typically he does his one nap a day during this time. 

12:15-12:30 Austen and Mommy Special Time

Austen and I have special time. This is something we started after Hudson was born so that I have a time to interact with him just us two everyday. It’s a game changer! And we literally only do it for 15 minutes some days. Some days longer, but this is research based y’all…and research says that 15-20 minutes is all that is needed. We usually play a board game or do a craft of some sort. The real key to the research based part of this is that the child gets to decide what we do. So I ask him, and if he wants to snuggle and watch Mickey Mouse…we do that. If he wants to go outside and play, we grab the monitor and go outside. If you’re struggling with behavior issues…try special time! It was suggested by my behavioral therapist and it’s done wonders! 

12:30-2:00 Austen Quiet Time

Austen isn’t napping anymore so we’re doing “quiet time” Sometimes I get quite time too. We are definitely not in a consistent routine with naps for Hudson. Sometimes he’ll nap for 30 minutes, sometimes for two hours! It just depends if he slept in the car at all while we were running errands. This will change BIG time come summer because we’ll be out doing things or at the pool until 12:30-1:00 so I’m hoping for longer naps come summer time! 

2:00-4:00 Play Time

We play until dada comes home. Alex goes to work at 7am and gets off at 3:30. It’s the BIGGEST blessing having him home so early! If it’s nice we’ll bundle up and take a walk or play scooters in the driveway! If it’s yucky out, we’ll play with play dough or play in the playroom or something. On this particular day we headed to the library to play. You all…use your libraries! They are amazing and a great way to kill some time! I try to change up what we do during this time or I go insane! 

4:00 Mama Works Out

Dada is home around 4:00 and I work out! Usually. Sometimes I get my workout in while Austen is at school. It just depends on the day. But usually Alex will play with the boys outside or in the living room and I will get my workout finished. Right now I’m using Beachbody On Demand and doing Lift 4. I’ve already done one round of it and LOVE it! I’m finally feeling like my arms are becoming toned. However, I broke my elbow in January, so I can only lift 5 pounds, which is annoying, but 5 pounds is better than nothing!

5:00 Dinner

Alex usually starts dinner while I workout and we eat right at 5:00 typically. Our kids really would like to eat at 4:30 if we had it ready! We try not to do a ton of snacks, so they are HUNGRY at dinner time. We sit down all together pretty much every single night. I cherish that because I know when life gets busy and the boys have sports that will become few and far between. But we really make sitting down at the table together as a family a big priority! Dinner is usually pretty simple and we don’t make a huge deal out of it. We’re not crazy about them trying new things. We try to always offer something we know they will like. Austen has never liked meat. Ever. So we don’t push it. He’s one of the healthiest children I know, and I don’t want to fight over food. He just knows that dinner is dinner and if he doesn’t eat it, he won’t get anything else until breakfast the next day. But food is not something we fight about in our home. 

5:30-6:30 Family Time

We typically play as a family, but sometimes Alex and I like to pair off and take one boy at a time. We’ve really learned to love having that quiet time with each boy. 

6:30-7:00 Wind Down Time

If we need baths, we do baths at this time. If not then we do something quiet and try to wind down for the day Alex will usually play a board game or something with Austen. Hudson usually goes to sleep between 6:45 and 7:00. And now that Austen isn’t napping…he’s getting in bed and falling asleep almost immediately at 7:00. I know that time probably seems early to a lot of families when dads don’t get home from work until 6:00. But remember, Alex is home at 4:00! And no matter what time we put Austen to sleep…he still wakes up around 6:30. So I’d rather get him to bed early so he gets more sleep. Since Hudson has been born, I’ve done Hudson and Alex has done Austen for bedtime. Alex will read a few books, do affirmations with Austen {any interest in a post on how and why we do this…let me know} and prayers. Austen does prayers at night now and they are hilarious! 

7:00 Mama and Dada Time

After we get the boys to sleep, I typically take a HOT bubble

bath {here are links to my favorite bubble bath and favorite body scrub} It’s my way to wind down. I will do a face mask and watch Netflix and just relax. Alex and my differing personalities really come into play after we get the kids to sleep. I am DONE by that point and exhausted, while Alex gets energy once the boys are down. So he usually takes a run or does projects. But before bed one or both of us ALWAYS picks up the kitchen and living room and gets coffee ready for the next day! It’s a nonnegotiable in our family! 

9:00 Bedtime

You read that right…I legit get in bed around 9:00 every night. I’m a morning person thru and thru! I’m actually TRYING to get into the habit of meditating at 9:00 using the Calm App {my favorite} to get ready for sleep. When my anxiety is high, I will stop and do a meditation. But I would love to get into the routine of taking 10 minutes to calm before bed. I’ll keep you posted! Hopefully when I do this during the spring I can say I’ve been doing that routinely!

And that’s what our days look like right now. Obviously the weekends are a little different. Weekends are hard around here. Having Alex home changes the routine, so the boys are off. Especially Austen. So we try to keep a similar routine and just replace school time with some kind of activity.

I’m so excited for the spring days to come of evening walks, and park picnics, and eating on the front porch, and playing on the play set, and sitting on the front swing. But honestly, I really try to embrace the winter season. The season of hibernating, and relaxing, and bubble baths, and watching movies.

So tell me…how is your day different? I’d love to hear! Maybe you’ll spark some ideas! Especially for that 2:00-4:00 time frame…that’s the time of day that I tent to go a little nuts!

Friends! Thank you so much for your excitement about the blog launch! I’m incredibly humbled by your support and encouragement! Lots of fun content to come, but please let me know in the comments if you have any requests! I love getting your ideas!

I’m excited to start sharing how-to posts from frequently asked questions on Instagram.

I get a LOT of the same questions about how we do certain things in our home or in our family. So I’ll be sharing those frequent questions in “how-to” posts.

I’m a mama to young toddlers, so obviously…I have a lot of mama followers on Instagram. Austen will be 4 in May and Hudson turned 1 in November. So we have a toddler and what child development experts call a “taby” {toddler/baby}

Not only that, but I was a preschool teacher before staying home with Austen. So I have a passion for creating a fun, interactive, and educational home for our children to learn, play, and develop.

l also happen to be super type A and hyper organized. So when I’ve shared instastories of me playing with the kids, or if I’m sharing new toys or books we are loving, we obviously get tons of questions about how we organize all of our toys.

For a while, I really didn’t feel like I had a great grasp on how to organize our toys so that they were used effectively. But after Christmas, I decided to really purge and organize so that the boys were actually playing with toys in age appropriate ways.

I have three older siblings, and six nieces and nephews ranging in ages from 21-7 {I know…that’s another story for another day} so we have LOTS of amazing hand me downs. My sister is also a professor of special education, but spent many years teaching in the classroom. So I have her classroom manipulative and resources.

All of that to say…we have a LOT of incredible toys. But I noticed that the boys were not using and playing with our toys effectively. They were playing for a few minutes, and moving on quickly. I’ll actually be sharing how we are working on attention span with Austen in a post soon.

I won’t rattle off all of the research, but everyone knows that we {as adults} function more effectively in organized environments. Why would our children be any different?

When I say I want our kids to be playing effectively, I mean I want them to be playing with a toy for a longer period of time. I don’t mean they need to be playing with the toy exactly as it was designed. I actually think a lot of creativity and brain power is used when children find new ways to play with a toy. But I want our boys to play with a toy for longer than a few minutes. Which takes time, and learning, but the environment in which they play is so important.

Big glaring warning…I KNOW we have a lot of cabinet space. That was not by mistake. I like to be organized, but minimal…so we put cabinets pretty much anywhere we could fit them when we renovated. Do NOT let your lack of cabinet space be an excuse. Find an inexpensive bookshelf {hello Ikea}, store extra toys in a closet or storage space and rotate toys, really look into the cabinets you do have and make sure you’re using them effectively. Do you really need an entire cabinet of old books you’ll never read? Box those suckers up so you can organize a kid zone!

So…here are my tips when trying to purge/organize your toys to create an environment where your children can play and learn.

1. Purge
2. Group
3. Separate
4. Display
5. Teach

Purge

As a society…we just have too many things! It’s not easy to go through and purge, but it’s so important! Use whatever method fits your personality! But take the time, and go through! Stay focused! Set a timer, and get it done! Here’s what I remind myself when I’m having a hard time letting go: someone else could use this more than we could. If I’m ever on the ledge of if I should keep something, I always think…another child could use this toy. We donate to a local charity, but that always gives me so much peace knowing that these toys will bless another child.

Also guys…go through your arts and craft things every now and then. Having a massive box of markers that don’t work it just pointless. I’ll be sharing my favorite arts and crafts storage and how we incorporate art into our home in another post to come!

Group

Next it’s time to group your items! Find like things {puzzles, books, blocks, arts/crafts} and bring them together so you can store them together. Sometimes it’s also helpful to group toys in age groups as well. We actually have one drawer that has all baby toys so we can grab them when little kiddos are over playing.

Separate

I am a big proponent of boxes…lots and lots of boxes to organize. Here’s why. In our house, when you want to play with a toy, you select a box, play with it, clean it up, and then choose something else. It’s not a situation where we bring out five different toys and it’s chaos. Now if Austen wants to use the megnatiles and the alphabots {both are linked in my Amazon list} to make a world for the alphabots…absolutely! I want him to be creative, but I don’t want him jumping from one toy to another out of boredom. Hudson {at 15 months} even understands this concept.

Now yes…organizing costs money. I bought our boxes at Target {they come in a lot of sizes} but I’m linking the same ones in my Amazon list. We invested about $100 in all of the boxes. It was money well spent in my books. Look for the sales! We bought them after Christmas when they were having an organizing sale. I bought ours in particular because they have a lid that has clasps to keep the lids on and secured. Dollar tree even has amazing bin options. Find what fits your aesthetic and budget.

Display

This is where your bookcases or cabinets come in handy. Make them look aesthetically pleasing. Why? Because you’re more likely to keep it looking nice if you enjoy the way it looks. Sounds stupid right…but it’s just true. And your children will notice!

A lot of people asked why I didn’t label my boxes. I was going to. And then Alex made fun of me. Not really…well kind of. I was about to label them with a friend’s circuit and Alex was like “Lelia…they are clear…we can see what they are…they don’t need to be labeled” Duh Lelia. Now…would it be more pretty…yes. Would I like Austen learn to read and recognize those letters…yes? Would it make it even easier for friends to help put away toys after a play date…yes. But I’m working on making my list easier…so that was a task that I put off. Maybe one day I’ll get around to it!

Teach

This is probably the step most parents skip. But we have to teach and model how we want our children to play. When I organized everything, Hudson immediately went and opened EVERY box and poured everything out. I cried. He cried. It was fun. But I had not modeled what I was expecting. It took about a week for them to figure out what I had envisioned. Now it’s very simple. And even better…anyone who comes to our house knows how to put our toys back. Find like toys…but put in a box.

So there you have it! That’s how WE have organized our toys. Is this the best way? Who the heck knows! Will it look different in a year? Maybe. But for this season, it works great!

I’d love to know…how do you organize your toys? How do you utilize your space to make your playing environment work?

Oh and don’t worry…Austen does in fact play with these toys too…he was just at school while we were taking the majority of these pictures! Gotta use those school times wisely…you hear me mamas?

Pictures by the incredibly talented and patient Tasha Pinelo

You all! I’m so excited to FINALLY launch my new blog!

This is two years in the making, and I’m SO excited to finally make this dream come true!

For those of you who don’t know, I blogged for years at Life On The Homestead Blog. It was a modge podge of things I was interested in at the time: clothes, DIY, life, but most recognizably for our story with infertility. I blogged throughout our infertility journey, my pregnancy with our first, our birth story, and after Austen…I stopped. For no other reason than I was just tired! I always intended on blogging again, but never took the time to sit down and DO. And I’m forever sad I didn’t! So many posts have been written in my head that probably could have helped someone. Could have inspired someone. Could have helped ME. Could have inspired ME.

And why didn’t I just start blogging again?

Perfectionism

I’ve always been a perfectionist. My first memory of perfectionism is from kindergarten when I couldn’t perfectly color in a bear for my “homework” and ya’ll…MY MOM COLORED IT FOR ME. My sweet mother, rolling her eyes and exhausted from a long day at work, colored my bear for me to get through that evenings list of to-dos.

I have been paralyzed by perfectionism. I remember in our early marriage I was trying to make a super simple piece of art work, and Alex left me with a blank canvas and two hours later came back and it was still empty. He asked why it was still empty and with tears I said “because I just knew it wasn’t going to turn out perfect.” Ya’ll…how sad is that?

I don’t want to live that life! I don’t want to live life perfectly. I want to live life with grace and freedom! I want to live a life of love. I want to love life.

Perfectionism is one of the biggest reasons it’s taken me this long to start my blog again! I couldn’t find the perfect blog design. The perfect logo. How will I produce perfect pictures for each post? It was exhausting.

So I didn’t start it.

I kept writing blog posts in my brain, and never started.

I wrote blog posts in my brain through hard mom moments, through fun trips, through renovating a house, through parties planned, through house projects. So many blog posts I’ve written in my head.

I’ve shared a lot on Instastories…and finally I had a follower just say it. Start a blog! Just start it!

So here I am. I’m doing it! It’s not going to be perfect friends. It’s going to be messy, and imperfect, and I’m going to need so much grace. I’m going to need to give myself So. Much. Grace.

So what’s with the name? I was trying to figure out what to name this little part of the internet and was coming up short. Alex actually came up with our sweet blog name. Wendels Love, comes from our family mission statement. The first and last items in our family mission statement are “Wendels Love”

Why do we have it twice? Because that’s the legacy we hope to leave. We hope that people feel love from us. Feel loved by us. We want to teach our children that loving people is the most fulfilling thing you can do. It’s what God called US to do.

And to be honest, in today’s world…I feel it’s a huge burden we are putting on our boys’ shoulders. But we are praying over, modeling, and guiding our boys to react in love. Every morning, I ask Austen how he can love someone today. When he leaves my arms, and heads into school…I have no control over him. I pray that over time, we can teach him to love himself, love others, and create a life that exudes grace and love.

So that’s what we hope for this blog. We want to inspire you to cultivate a life that you will love…just as we are doing every single day.

What’s my goal with this blog? It took me SO long to actually admit my long term dream. I adore being a stay at home mom…but that will end one day. And what do I want to be doing when our kids are in school? I want to be doing just this…inspiring and sharing my life and my journey with women everywhere. I want to have a platform to motivate and encourage women to live a life of love. Because when we live a life that we love, it impacts everyone around us for the better. I hope to speak to moms groups, and at conferences, and who the heck knows…write a book one day. My goal is to fill you up with inspiration and encourage you to push towards cultivating a life you will love. I will be walking the walk…and talking the talk. So call me out if you see me acting otherwise!

But don’t worry…a huge part of my journey is our normal life of home, raising kiddos, fashion, and I’m all the flip over the place so I’ll be sharing ALL the things I’m passionate about!

Friends…I’m so excited for this journey! I hope you stick around. I pray you find that nudge that you need. I can’t wait to hear from you. Let’s do this friends…let’s cultivate a life that we will LOVE. One imperfect day at a time!

Show me a little love friends…comment below! Tell me where you’re from and what is your favorite holiday! Can’t wait to hear from ya’ll!

Make it an amazing day friends!

{Pictures by Tasha Pinelo Photography}